This last week I was PMSing and definitely had a little bloating going on with it. Which doesn't exactly make a person feel good about how they look. But Yesterday I measured myself again after showering and I was 287, which I am happy enough with. Especially since Monday was my Sierra's 3rd birthday so I hadn't exactly eaten very healthy. But I did get some running around in.
Right now I'm depressed. Clinical depression is something I've helped people I love with my whole life. Its a very real curse that surrounds my life every moment of every day, in other people. Its very rare that my own depression decides to show its ugly head, and it makes things hard. I'm the person people lean on, so when I start to filter I don't usually have much under me. I probably could. I mean I could look into antidepressants (which Andrew thinks I should), but I don't think I have depression consistent enough to medicate it. I have lots of people who love me and are willing to catch me or at least give me a push up. LOTS of people. But I've always been very selective about that. I mean even if I lean on you once there is a high chance I never will again. I feel like that's something that I will find what I need through prayer, or my husband. And well My husband is the most amazing husband, so much more than I ever that I could have. I love him so much, and am so grateful for him. But his depression makes mine look like a simple frown in passing. So I am without his support right now.
Anyway, that wasn't the point. The point is that my weight is semi-reasonable. And I will be able to do this. Hopefully my depression won't stop me from keeping my eyes on the prize of good health, God willing.
I just found this blog, I don't know if I was supposed to or not, but I did..sneaky me! I spoke with a doctor awhile ago and he had some interesting ideas. He stated that a lot of people have serotonin and/or norepinephrine deficiencies which other doctors confuse with depression. Deficiencies of those kinds produce similar feelings, i.e reduced sex drive, reduced desire to participate in activities, etc, but you don't necessarily get the great feelings of depression or suicide, which come with depression. In fact, with me, I know that sometimes I have those deficiencies, but I do not realize it until later, because I do not feel sad or anything. I just don't want to do anything. My world is a different color. It isn't usually until it starts straightening out on its own that I realize that something is/was wrong. I just thought you might be interested in that. And if you want me to stop reading this blog, it seems more personal, than just let me know...but as you haven't updated your other one in a while....I'm reading this one.
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